Dumbtruck 3.0

I always told myself that dumbtruck.net would not be a Soap Box for my rantings, but this is different, its Australia Day!

Let me start by saying I will be at work tomorrow, Australia Day.  This means my boss is either a Jew or a Nazi and I haven’t decided which one.  But I still plan to spin this rant on a positive note.  Let me list some reasons why Australia is the best.

We have some of the best mutha fuckin cyclones in the world.  Cyclone season in North Queensland is like going to Wet n Wild on Acid, and it’s a fucking good thing.

The last earthquake we had was in 1989, and it wasn’t even that bad.

The only real natural threat to our country is bush fires, but our land is mutha fucking girt by sea. So we got it covered.

The last massacre shooting we had was over ten years ago, but it happened in Tasmania, so no one cared anyway.  In America and other countries, shootings are standard practice.

In 2002 the world was rocked by what could have been a SARS epidemic. Many thousands died, but Australia didn’t see any threat because we’ve been drinking SARS from a mutha fucking can since 1947.

There is never any real threat of poverty in Australia as long as there are Asians running our 7/11s, And kebab shops open until 4am.

But what makes Australia the fucking balls is our indifference towards one another.

It all began back in the settlement days, when convicts were kicking ass.  At some point someone would have realised there was a lot of incest going on, and he was like, lets get rid of these incest’s.  So they marched them south to this pointy part of Australia, which would be called Spazmania. Until some spack spelt it wrong years later and it became Tasmania.

So anyway, the smarter Aussies sent all the tards to Spazmania, back when it was still attached to the mainland, then pointed their dicks into the air and started pissing until there was a body of water between the tards and the legends, this body of water would eventually be called the Bass Strait, named after Barry who was adamant that he wasn’t homosexual.

But as if this weren’t enough, in a move that has been given a name, I can’t remember the name.  It was something from the old days, like when the King would get an assassin to kill someone, and then get an assassin to kill the assassin, so people knew he meant business.  I’d look up the name of it, but I’m too lazy.  So anyway, the ones who pissed on Spazmania, were banished, and were left in a hole called Adelaide so that the people on the East Coast could live in style.  But someone escaped from Adelaide and made Ipswich, unlucky.

This history is the foundation of Australia’s awesomeness and we have only built on it since then.  So please, celebrate your countries legendary history, not by calling in sick tomorrow, but call your boss at 7am and tell him your too fuckin’ maggot to work. Peace.

A cop told me his camera wasn’t turning on.

I put the battery in the right way around, turned it on, and then promised I wouldn’t tell anyone.

He left peacefully.  I don’t like confrontations, especially when they have guns.

I was talking to someone at a support centre today, I deal with this company quite a bit so they have my information on file, yet every time I call they make sure to verify my details are correct.

Today the girl said, “And can I just verify your phone number is 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8?”

There was a moment of silence, then I realised she wasn’t paying attention and I broke the silence.

“I’m pretty sure that isn’t ANYONES phone number.”

I heard the distinct sound of her forehead planting into her palm, then I gave her my phone number.

A woman came in this morning, horribly flustered and not thinking clearly. She talked a lot and rarely let me get a word in, so I let her ramble on for a while. What I was able to take away from the conversation were the following points,
-Shes bogan
-Shes downloaded spyware/malware and probably viruses
-In her own words, her “computer got heaps hacked”

As she left she remarked how she would like to call the police and report the people hacking her PC. I couldn’t help myself, “Yes, you’d better do that as soon as you get home, someone has to stop these assholes!”

Her reply, “I would call the Police  but I downloaded heaps of music illegally so I’d get in heaps of trouble.”

A customer asked to have her notebook repaired because the hard drive broke. She was very upset that she hadn’t backed up her data and may have lost it all.

I was able to recover some data for her, fortunately. But I then explained to her the importance of backing up anything that cannot be replaced, as its cheaper to buy an external hard drive, than it is for me to do a file scavenge (and charge a small fortune).

A week later she came into the store, and broke into tears because another of her notebooks died. And she hadn’t backed up the data.  She demanded I get her data back and reinstall Adobe Photoshop for her, FOR FREE. Or she would take legal action.  I know a scam when I see one so I told her I would gladly install Adobe for her when she brings me her discs.

Then she tells me a friend installed a pirated version for her.  I told her to stop crying, I dont care, and she should leave.

ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR DATA.

This is not something that happened to me personally, but I heard it from a very reliable source.

A customer purchased a full creative suite photo editting program and took it home. He installed it, and used it, and activated it.

A few days later he returned to the store and asked for a refund, claiming the product did not do what it was suppose to do. He wouldn’t say what it was suppose to do, just that it wouldn’t do it.

The staff member said he would gladly show the customer how the program works, and if it still didn’t do what it was suppose to, he would give the customer an exchange or store credit. Otherwise the customer would have to call the manufacturer of the software directly and ask for a refund from them.

The customer returned a few days later claiming that the manufacturer told him he could get a refund, and he gave the staff member the phone number and name of who he spoke to.

Now this next part is one hundred percent true.

The conversation between the manufacturer and the customer was recorded and later played back when the staff member called to confirm a refund was authorized.

Evidently the customer asked for a refund because his friend gave him a pirated copy of the program and he obviously didn’t want his purchased version anymore.

REFUND DECLINED, and I would pay money to hear that conversation.

Im not sure why, and being a saturday I didn’t feel like asking questions, a customer called us after purchasing two cartridges. He wanted to know about re-fillers.
Now, I didn’t take the call and no one knows who did, not even the customer, and I have no idea what conversation took place. But the end result is the customer decided to return the cartridges he bought and exchange them for re-fillers.
I personally don’t like re-fillers and tried to talk him out of it but the customer insisted and while I was organizing his refund he spoke to another salesperson. Again, I don’t know what conversation took place, and I didn’t feel like asking questions.

The customer returns, and tells me he didn’t realize the re-fillers were JUST ink and what he really needed was cartridges.

“Awesome,” I say, “So you can just keep these ones.”

“No,” He replies, “I don’t need them either.”

“So you don’t need any cartridges at all anymore? You came all the way down here, twice, and you didn’t actually need anything? You know what, never mind, I’m asking too many questions.”