I’ve recently started going to the bathroom at work so I can pretend to cry. I only pretend to cry because I think pooping is embarrassing. And I don’t like it when people know what I’m doing behind closed doors with my pants around my ankles.

On one of my most recent trips to the mens facilities I was stopped by a customer who asked me if I was busy, instinctively I said yes, but offered to help her anyway on the condition that she hurry along. She told me she needed a battery for her camera.

“What sort of battery does your camera take?”

She didn’t know. She didn’t know what brand or model camera she had, or where she got it.

“Is it a lithium battery or just a standard AA battery?”

The word she used to describe her battery was, Squoonshie.

It’s a squoonshie little thing….

It’s just a little squoonshie battery….

You know? The Squoonshie ones…

“I’m not sure thats helping.” I explained. So I took her to the aisle where all the camera batteries are kept since she assured me she would know it if she saw it.

“It’s a little square one”, she said, “about yay big.”
She showed me with her fingers how big it was.

At this point I left her staring blankly at the wall while I went to the bathroom, it was then I realized…

…I’m pretty sure she wants a memory card.